In the last 29 years, I can't think of a year that I haven't celebrated Christmas morning with my family. With two nurses in our house; we have been very fortunate to be able to continue our tradition of opening presents and having breakfast together over the years. Both my mom and sister have stumbled into the house after a long 12 hour night shift at the hospital with that Christmas spirit not thinking about the crazy night they just had. Of course, our location has changed a few times, Mississauga, Newmarket, Mississauga, Newmarket. But the faces have stayed the same. There were a few years in my life that I could not wait to get off a plane Christmas Eve and land in my homeland to be able to celebrate a season of giving, love, eating a home cooked meal and most importantly; celebrating my Creator's birth.
Somehow over the last two years; I lost the meaning of all of that. Not having regular 9-5 work, I found myself feeling like I was missing out on so much. Not just a paycheck every two week; but staff meetings, birthdays, engagements, Christmas parties at that fancy restaurant. Getting a bonus for working so hard over the last year. Being able to share in friend's successes and maybe failures, but encouraging them with a "you'll get them next time!" All of those things, I wish I could have experienced. There was a part of me that felt like I was being left behind.
I have had the opportunity to be able to use some of my crazy and ridiculous organizational gifts to help out different friends of mine. Stocking their bookshelves in their classrooms with various grade 1 reading books. Setting up cabinets with arts and crafts for these little ones for their projects through the school year. Or putting together file folders and labels into a new filing system. Cleaning out another friend's cabinet to find the cutest littlest boombox around. She swears she needs it in case there is a power failure; but I think it's because she can't part with this adorable child's radio! To be honest, I couldn't either!
I have said over and over that I am incredibly grateful and thankful to these fantastic and supportive friends who take pity on me and find work for me to do. Not only because I need to make a few dollars; but also to keep me sane. So I don't feel like I'm going crazy sitting at home looking for job after job, feeling like the whole world is really passing me by. I have found myself in these moments of weakness (as I like to call it), crying out to God asking him when it will be my turn to feel like I can rejoin this work race with the rest of the world. And then I start feeling like God's plan for me is to help others succeed and further their careers. (Let me also say, I have perfected my gift of administration, and although I love it, I am ready to use some of my other untapped gifts.) After getting over my self induced pity party and singing that song, "nobody knows the trouble I've seen! Nobody knows my sorrows!" I tell myself to stop it. Stop assuming that God doesn't know what He's doing. Stop believing that He has forgotten about me. Stop assuming that he doesn't know have a clue what has been going on in my life over the last two years.
I have somehow assumed that since He has "forgotten" about me, I can choose to not remember or celebrate who HE is or His birth. As I sit here at my sister's house with two sleeping parents and a dog that is snoring down the house; I find myself ashamed that I have allowed two years to go by expecting God to do something or move somehow in my life because "He's suppose to" and not thanking Him for every single blessing that He has shown me over the last two years. I know my timing is not God's timing. And like how most people would feel, that can be frustrating! I do know when the time comes God will shake up my world again, in a way that is so unexplainable to the human mind - but not to Him. So I will continue to remind myself that God is who He says He is. And this season, is worth celebrating who He is, not who Camille is. God's provision has always been there. ALWAYS. Without fail. And for that, I am grateful. And even tomorrow morning as I run down the stairs to see what "Santa" brought me, I will be remembering that my Saviour came to this Earth for little, sarcastic, loves to laugh, loud, made in His image Camille. And that, is worth celebrating.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
xoxo
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